Nancy Jo Sales reported on her interviews with more than 200 teenage girls. For the first time in history girls of various classes and backgrounds are doing the same activity although they told her they were hurt by the frequent cyber bullying, sexual harassment, request for nude photos, and critical judgments of their photographs. Sales blamed the “hypersexualization” of girls on availability of online pornography. She concluded that, “Now more than ever, girls need feminism” and its critical tools to understand the socialization of girls in a digital age.
Thoughts about dating from a newly single Gen X man in response to what he would add to my Ask Dr. Gayle advice column
Q: I’m starting to date seriously what should I look for in a partner?
A: If you’re looking for a man, avoid one who had either a controlling mother or one who did everything for him. Some men tell me they avoid especially beautiful women because they get used to being served. In either sex, look for a best friend who is interesting to talk with and you respect, as well as being attractive to you. We tend to attract the familiar, so think about the relationship patterns you experienced growing up and decide what you want to repeat and what you want to do differently.
I decided last night I fall in love way to quickly way to easily. I also decided I am looking for Divine unconditional love in the flesh and I don’t know if it is possible. So many people are socially conditioned to be a princess/player. As you said, I would definitely identify what went wrong last relationship, identify what the person doesn’t want in the future, what a person wants in the future, make a list, tell the universe what you want. Co-create. As we are co-create our relationships so do they also mirror our weaknesses. I think we as a culture should look at the attachment side of love, and learn to watch it come into our lives, be there and then leave, without attachment. For surely all love is a fire that dwindles into lukewarm coals and then fades. Going into a relationship thinking we aren’t going to get hurt or work is naive. Unless one is very wise. Like Day and night, thought and stillness, man and women, life and death, love comes and goes. I think parental upbringing, you hit it on the head. The married women who like me, which I’m pretty sure is over.
I think we as Americans need to focus more on self-love, or I do, and be less reliant on others to bring us as humans happiness. Eventually looking to a mate to provide all sources of happiness is impossible. Maybe it’s just my age.
A person can either throw themselves into a heated passionate relationship and feel everything with an open heart and maybe get burned or be logical, slow, step by step cautious.
I guess from my life, a good relationship, it was all about effortlessness. For years with my ex the weeks flew by, years flew by, it was easy. Being myself, being with her was simple and joyful. Still when I talk to her I hang up the phone and we just talked for 20 minutes easily. If a person isn’t aligned with the self, a person can’t be aligned with anyone else. And it has to be strong, the self-alignment. Work on creating conditions of self-love, and those will be attractive to others. Commit to inner peace as the main goal. When we are looking for love, beware of fear that is the opposite of love, and will only hold us back. Our society too also has a skewed point of view, what type of love, unconditional, sexual, most people think of love as all about themselves, but really, love is wanting the best for someone else, relationship love is the dance of giving and taking, of love. Not giving and taking of power. Love, tricky thing. The Dali lama has tons of love, for everyone, but no interpersonal relationship. Someone who wants to get back into dating… be playful, have fun, for myself don’t give away my heart so easily.
Yes I would go with the patterns of each relationship, they all tell us a lot about ourselves. To return to a love life, dating, one should be ready to love unconditionally and expect nothing in return. There are lots of guided meditations for new lovers. “Someone out there is waiting to meet you, you just have to allow them to meet you” Do a ritual, put all your love into the ritual, all your hopes and expectations, and let it go. Honestly if I new this stuff, I would have a really happy relationship right now. But also, getting back to dating, it seems, is harder once the exposure to potential mates is reduced, such as college, is over. Its easy to meet many possible dates when a person is young and in school. And bars… nah. Need to find a lover inline with the lifestyle of a person. Like to rock climb, go to a rock-climbing club. Do lots of self-care; feel how good it feels to look beautiful. Embrace the whole experience of getting ready to date.
Ok here’s the big problem I have with the dating pool. Games. I say this and leave it alone, if a person likes someone, tell him or her! There’s so many games, women can’t tell a man they like them cause that’s too forward, they have to get him to say it, and then when the man says it he calls and women can’t answer for three days or else they appear needy and then no sex on the first date because what ever. Most young women have a standard protocol to screen out all the men out there. All these magazines pump this stuff out and I honestly rarely have any idea if a girl likes me because they don’t say it and act aloof. And guys have no clue what they want vs. need.
I could go on all day. Romantic love–travel. I think drastically changing a person’s routine stirs up the cosmic dust. Move to a new town. If a person has been doing the same routine for years they are entrenched in a vibrational fortress. If there were a formula for attracting and keeping a never-ending undying love between couples that was constantly passionate… live and learn, balance. Love is constantly morphing, recycling, undying, reemerging. I feel like every love I’ve had is the same spirit passing through a different person, upgrading usually. hopefully.
And finally for myself a one-sentence quote from Led Zeppelin that is my ideal go to for relationships. “Some people live and some people die by the wicked ways of love, I just keep on rolling along with the grace of the lord up above.”
The One Woman Project is a youth-lead, registered non-for-profit organization focused upon education about and advocacy promoting gender equality. Established in 2013, the Project is one of Queensland’s fastest growing charitable organizations and features three key components: an educational seminar series, public awareness campaigns and a bi-annual conference.
Iceland is at the top for 7 years in a row in the World Economic Forum’s Gender Gap report. It also provides weekly news updates.
MENA’s top 10 countries for gender equality, according to the World Economic Forum, are Israel, Kuwait, UAE, Qatar, Bahrain, Tunisia, Algeria, Mauitania, Saudi Arabia, and Oman.[i]
[i] “The Global Gender Gap Report,” World Economic Forum, 2015.
What the Icelandic Know
An American Photographer Explores Gender Equality and Sexism in one of the Most Equal Countries on Earth.
In addition to regularly topping global charts for gender equality measures, Iceland is the only European country to have recovered fully from the 2008 financial crisis. For photographer Gabrielle Motola, these facts are intimately related. She wondered how women’s experience in a culture considered a feminist paradise compares to that of their counterparts in less supportive societies — like the United States and United Kingdom, both places she had previously lived. Through portrait sessions, Motola learned about the minds, lives, and careers of women in the world’s most equal country.
Emily von Hoffmann: Your project, “An Equal Difference” explores the individual gender dynamics of a country that, at the aggregate level, has the greatest gender equality in the world. You wrote in your Kickstarter that evidence for this includes Iceland’s “measures like the jailing of bankers responsible for the crash, creating an energy policy based on independent, renewable sources, maintaining a socialized child care system, and making prostitution illegal by criminalizing the buyers instead of sex workers.” So…if possible, can you react with some of the big takeaways from your two years of work? What are some of the broadest conclusions that you were able to make?
See the link for more
Photos of Japanese youth fashion and gender-bending are shown online, such as the Kawaii [means cute] Boys of Harajuku, the “youth capital” in Tokyo, who aim for genderless style as shown online.
“Tokyo Fashion,” Medium, January 29, 2016.