Malala Yousafzai. Finding My Way. Atria Books, 2025.
Notes on mental health chapters:
While an Oxford student Malala started having anxiety attacks: “Every interaction with other people felt dangerous, like it might cause my mind to fracture even further.” She had a flashback of the Taliban attack (after getting high on marijuana) which didn’t return, but entered into a constant state of fear and dread, heart racing, hard to breathe, insomnia, head feels heavy and body feels week. P. 191
She had no cultural understanding of mental health, raised until she was 15 in rural Pakistan. There no word for “anxiety” in Pashto. Mental health problem are ignored or seen as “a curse from God.” Until 2022, suicide was a criminal act for which a survivor could be jailed.
Friends encouraged her to see a therapist, who she though would give her medicine to quickly correct the problem. Her therapist explained that hers are common symptoms of PTSD, which is like your body’s alarm system getting stuck in the ‘on’ position.” Evelyn told her about the “window of tolerance,” when too much stress pushes us out of the window. In Malala’s case the stress was poor nutrition, insomnia, pressure from her student work at Oxford and from her parents.
Evelyn asked her to keep a log of times when she felt panicked and overwhelmed and when her stress lowered—like when listening to music. She suggested, observe the unwanted thoughts, like waves on a beach, be curious about them and remember we’re not judged on our thoughts but on our actions. Evelyn taught her to “take manual control of my limbic system” with long exhalations P. 192 When her heart sped up and she felt dizzy, she was to do 7/11 breathing for at least five minutes. Since a long exhalation calms the body, breathe in for a count of seven and out for a count of 11.
Her therapist also talked about a binary way of thinking diving the world into good or bad people caused Malala more anxiety and paranoia, narrowing the window of tolerance. After doing the therapeutic work, she said “the relief I experienced was not a manic high, but that of a breaking fever—serene at first, then followed by excitement and impatience to rejoin the world,” after isolating herself in her room or the library.
She did have another major panic attack after speaking bout the recent Taliban assault of women in Afghanistan, in South Africa with her husband, Asser. She woke up shaking, sweating, heart racing, crying, feeling her chest tighten, the hotel room spinning. The 7-11 breathing didn’t stop the attack, which was triggered by talking about the Taliban, which brought up their shooting of her.
When she went to see Evelyn, she said, “Breathing exercises and learning to recognize triggers can help manage anxiety and, sometimes, interrupt panic attacks. But those are symptoms of PTSD, not the cause. Trauma lives in our bodies, and it stays there until we process it. Our brain work hard to keep us from reliving a difficult experience, using disassociation and repression to try to protect us. Unfortunately, that gets in the way of healing. We have to acknowledge and understand our pain before can move past it.’ Evelyn listed treatment options including EMDR, somatic therapy, and trauma-focused cognitive therapy.” P. 291 She said, “When we acknowledge trauma in a safe environment, it helps us to regulate our nervous system’s stress responses, leading to better physical and mental health. The goal is to build resilience and give you freedom to fully experience all the wonderful things in you life.”
Malala decided to talk with Evelyn weekly no matter where she was in the world, recognizing that she needed to set boundaries with her family, recognize when she needed time alone, and how to communicate her needs. P. 292 Although she had previously dismissed the idea of self-care, she systematically tracked her sleep quality, consulted with a nutritionist to focus on fresh vegetables and fish over French fries and noodles, taking swim lessons, running on a treadmill. She reported, :When I ran, my body was no longer something I feared, but my teacher, revealing all the possibility and strength inside me.” Writing her book was “a journey of healing in itself.”
Malala said about panic attacks, “I’ve come to understand these episodes as a beacon, a reminder to be gentle with myself to protect my heart and mind, to resist the urge to shoulder so many burdens alone. To trust that I will continue to change and grow.” She included mental health training in the girls’ school she founded near her childhood home.
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